Best in Show

Hello, Friends.

I expected to be writing well before this. I thought getting started would be enough to muster some momentum, but it wasn’t. With me, it never is. So here I am, well over a month later and stuck in a holding pattern.

And I guess that’s why it’s called a pattern, right? Tracing the seams around our brains day after day. The same seams that got us here, the same seams that would lead us forward – if we’d only let them. But we keep coming back. Stitching the same lines, padding the same truths, no more prepared than the last time around. At least, that’s how it is for me.

I’ve been depressed, discouraged, tired, uninspired, and I don’t know why – not really. Or maybe I know and the insight I’ve gained just gets tossed over my shoulder and carried on my back. All I know is that it’s heavy – and it gets heavier every day. The things I learn, the treasures I’ve found, only add to the weight of the judgement, the pressure, the fear of moving forward. The fear of never really moving at all. And I carry it with me.

And these Communities of Family, Friends, Pets – offer daily respite from the elements. A place to share, to smile, to support each other. A safe place. But I have a bone to pick even here, among animal lovers who really are the best kind of people. Even here, where we’re sewing similar stories and covering common ground.

I haven’t seen it much on Bean’s Talks, but the threads are there. I’m sure you’ve seen them too. The scripted scorn that shows up every time some brave soul has the courage to speak up and say I don’t know, I’m unsure, what would you do? And you, and you? The truth is, we’re reluctant to show our softer selves, to ask advice, or even offer it. And some of us shelter better than others.

I’m not a professional. Not a breeder, or a trainer, or a veterinarian. I don’t even parent HUMAN children (though I’ve heard it’s really hard). Parenting of any kind must be hard. Caregiving is hard. Asking for help is hard. Being a person is hard. Isn’t it easier with a splash of compassion?

And yet, I find myself looking back on Bean’s life and forward into Sproutie’s. I second-guess every stitch. Tracing and retracing the pattern that keeps me stuck. And I wonder what I could have done differently, what I should be doing differently, what it’s already too late to start now. I think of all the things I hadn’t prepared for, and all the things I’m not prepared for now. I catch myself scanning pictures for overgrown nails and cropping their feet from the frames. What would you think?

But we’re not perfect, Friends. That’s why we need each other. They say it takes a Village to raise a child. What do we have here? A dog park, or a competition? And we forget the things that human beings consistently endure. The comparison, the criticism, the shaming. We forget how hard it is to show ourselves when everyone is looking. We hide behind filters, we can’t forgive our flaws. We stand on a virtual platform and size each other up. We’re only here for the show. We don’t know, what we don’t know. Or we forget. We forget how to be human.

And even social standards aren’t high enough. Even the best in show go home to themselves, and many our own worst critics. So many dos, so many don’ts. So many wills, so many won’ts. What will you feed? What will they wear? Do they walk long enough, do they get enough air? Are they crate trained, socialized, obedient, and healthy? Would we do it any differently if we were all wealthy?

You get the idea. We’re knotted together by nature. We love our children, our dogs, our families, our friends, but we’re fraying. And these threads of discord aren’t going anywhere. We can’t agree on everything, we’re not meant to. But we can be softer, smooth our ends. We can be kind to each other, and kind to ourselves. We can call upon our strength when we weave it all together, fold more love into our hearts, and become a HUMAN tether.